Patience must be something I have to learn. I've never been a very patient person, but I've found that the things I've had to wait for are the things that are most important to me. Kelly and I were very lucky to meet pretty early (no patience needed there), but unlike many of my friends and peers from Utah who meet and marry within a year, Kelly and I had to wait over four years before we had the opportunity to get married, and a lot of that time was spent apart, either because we attended different universities located 300 miles apart, or because of his mission to Uruguay. We both knew for pretty much the entire four years we were going to get married, and sometimes having patience was very difficult. The good thing about this is I think Kelly and I really, truly value our marriage. Neither of us wonder if we did the right thing, or chose too soon, or rushed into things. We're honestly just very very grateful to finally be together. We do errands and chores together, help each other out with everything, and basically really hate being apart. I'm not saying our marriage is perfect. Of course we disagree sometimes, and I snap at him over stupid things, and I tease him way, way, way too much, but we love each other. We are always there for each other, and the fact that we are sealed together for eternity is one of the things we are most grateful for.
Another thing that we've had to wait for is being with our family. Kelly and I both love our families very much, but two days after we got married we moved across the country for work. This has been a blessing in our lives because we get so much time together and rely completely on one another, but it has also been difficult being so far from home and our families. We have now lived here for nearly five years, and while we have come to love Baltimore (well, most things about it), we miss our families a lot and hope to be able to move back to Utah soon. Or maybe get everyone to move out here. Somehow I don't think that's going to happen. Because we've been apart, though, we really appreciate our families and their love and support, and because we miss so many big events like the births of our three nephews, most holidays, baby blessings, and birthdays, we are grateful for the ones we do get to be around for like Christmas and weddings, and we work hard to be able to visit home to be with family when we can. I feel like because we've been apart and had to wait to be together we have realized how very important our families are to us.
As many of you know, the third thing we have had to have a lot of patience about is starting our own family. After being married for about two years, I started wanting to have a baby. There were many many reasons which I really don't want to go into here, but we decided to wait. It was annoying and sad at times, but we knew it was for the best. When we finally felt the time was right it was very exciting and fun wondering if I was pregnant and imagining how our lives would change. We were both ready to expand our family and bring more love and meaning to our lives. We were quite lucky and it didn't take too long to get pregnant, but if you read my last post you'll know that I miscarried. It was so heartbreaking to have all those hopes and dreams handed to us and then snatched away so quickly. As soon as we got the okay from the doctor we began trying again, but month after month I'd get my hopes up only to be disappointed. All the while I was counting down how far along I would have been with the baby I had lost, seeing pregnancy announcements from friends on Facebook, and watching women at church who I had been pregnant with start having their babies, and aching for one of my own. Patience would be a good thing to have, but unfortunately I haven't learned it well enough and need to have it forced on me. After I passed my baby's due date, I felt like maybe I could finally begin to heal and things began getting a little better. I know that because of the miscarriage and the subsequent difficulties with conceiving I have become a softer person, and definitely more aware of the heartache of others. I have a dear friend who had two miscarriages that I know of, and still no news of a baby, and I hurt for her everyday. As the months passed I realize more and more that just like waiting both to marry Kelly and live closer to family has made me more grateful for them, the most important things in my life, when I finally have a baby I will be so much more grateful for that child than I would have been without the wait.
One year to the day from miscarrying our baby, we found out we are expecting again. It's been very scary, but we are also so grateful for the blessing. Fortunately, none of the complications of the last pregnancy have been present, and now that I have passed the first trimester and things are looking very positive so far, we are overjoyed to announce that we should finally be having a baby of our very own in June 2014.
