Saturday, August 30, 2008

Everything From Sleeping In to 38 Toes

Ok whoever is sad enough to be reading this, this is not an assignment for my class, it's another practice. I'm just seeing if I can type as fast as I think (or at least fast enough to get everything down that I want to.)

I just woke up. It's 10:53. I love sleeping in, but then after I'm up I'm mad I wasted so much time sleeping. My mom gets up so early everyday--5 AM--and she runs about four miles just about morning. I went with her a few times this summer and I am such a wimp. I could run a mile then I'd have to walk a lap until she lapped me and then I'd run-one-walk-one until she was ready to go. But it's cool being up so early. Hardly anyone else is up and the day has so many more hours left in it at that time. It's easier to think at 5 or 6 than you could imagine. And being outside before the earth gets scorching-July-hot is so peaceful in the dark. Somehow early morning dark isn't scary like late-night dark can be. It's like subconsciously I realize the sun's going to rise soon, or like I think that all the scary things that lurk in the dark only stay up late--none of them are early-risers.

I remember having a night light as a kid, and my brother asked me why I was scared of the dark. I thought that it was a silly question. Of course I wasn't scared of the dark. It's what could possibly be hiding there. Of course later I kept the night light around so I could read after my parents made me go to bed. I was (and still am, actually) a voracious reader. I finished The Bridge to Terabithia by light of my night light. I was in third grade and it was the first book I'd ever read that had a sad ending. I was SOBBING and I wanted to talk to my mom, but I couldn't because then she'd know I was up to no good. Of course, looking back on it, she probably would have sympathized because she loves to read. She grew up in Hinckley, Utah and her parents taught her hard work. Reading was a waste of time in their opinion, so my mother would take a book and hide--in an irrigation ditch, the tiny crack between her wall and the bed, anywhere she could. I'm so grateful to my mom and my dad for encouraging me. My mom would put READ on our chore charts. I always saved this one for last so I could read as long as I wanted. This summer when I wasn't working our spending time with my family I read a lot. Most of my friends are married, so I was kind of lonely without Kelly around. I read the complete works of Jane Austin, as well as Jane Eyre, Wuthering Heights, a lot of Shakespeare, and I read the Twilight series to see what the heck is up with all the hype. I didn't see it. I mean, it was an intriguing story, like, I wanted to know what happened, but I'd never read it again, and I am a BIG rereader of things.

"If you would tell me the heart of a man, tell me not what he reads, but what he rereads."
--Francois Mauriac

I guess I'm back to my mom. She also loves music. She instilled in her children a love of it and always has music playing, from Bach to the Beatles. She encouraged us all to play musical instruments because she never had that opportunity as a kid. My brother, Kevin, played the trumpet through Jr. High. I started clarinet lessons in sixth grade and I've played ever since. I actually minored in music. My younger brother, Bryan started trumpet lessons in probably 3rd or 4th grade, and now he also plays the baritone and he does marching band (like I did) and he's the drum major this year (like I was.) My younger sister, Cami, began playing the violin in first grade. She has quit now, but she had good run with it. Kevin also plays the guitar, Bryan plays the bass guitar and us younger three all pick at the piano a bit. None of us are any good at the piano, though. We always joke that we'll start a band--you know, like the Five Browns who all play the piano together? Well, we call our band "38 Toes" because that's what we've got if you add it all up. Kevin only has four toes on each foot. But that really would be a cool band name, huh? Obviously, Kevin and Bryan would play the guitars. I could play keyboard and Cami would be the pretty face of the group. Like Paul McCartney or the cute one from the Monkees. We'd hand her a tambourine and she can sing. Actually, we need a drummer. No one would ever come see us because the girls have no talent. Or maybe we'd get a following of teenage boys because Cami's so cute. Seriously, she has a following already and she'd not in a band. Or maybe we'd have a big fan group of curious podiatrists.

My poor brain is full of useless crap. I wish I could take some of it and be funny like Brian Reagan. My mom always thinks I'm funny. She's every comedian's dream audience. She's very quick to catch the humor and laughs gratifyingly. It's nice for someone like me who has mildly humorous remarks once in awhile. My dad's really funny. He has a very dry sense of humor that a lot of people don't understand. I love that kind of humor that makes you feel smart when only you and a couple of people get it. And then you're allowed to think that everyone else is stupid. Scott Nay and I used to joke like that at work and we'd fight so hard to keep a straight face and no one would get that we were joking. Then we'd leave the office and double over. It was especially hilarious when we'd joke about our boss in front of her and she was none the wiser. Anyway, I'm glad I was raised in the home I was so I can appreciate that kind of humor that some people will never even know exists. It's like being in a secret society or something. Tragically, it's just a society of court jesters.

I think I must miss my family since that seems to be the central idea in my thoughts today. It's only been a week since I saw them. But then, all my friends went home for Labor Day weekend, but seriously, I was just there and gas is expensive. I won't even get started on that (I think politics, but I rarely voice my opinions on that matter. That's why voting booths have curtains. And politics is one of those things that you're probably not going to change anyone's mind on here in Southern Utah where I feel like I'm extremely liberal. Really, I'm independent with some Democratic leanings. I seriously think some people from around here are so conservative they're fascist. Move over Hitler! We've got Hurricane, Utah! Or better yet, La Verkin!) Anyway, time is also a commodity and ten hours in the car for a day or two at home after I just spent a whole summer there feels wasteful of the time God granted me. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and miss having them around. I miss Kelly too. 17 months is a long time to not see your boyfriend. BUT! Only 7 months to go!!!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Honors 4010 and My Brain

So I'm in this class that's through the Honors Program here at SUU. I think it's going to end up being one of the coolest classes of my college experience. We watched a video clip from called 4AM is the New Midnight


and then had a seminar on it. That was on Tuesday. Today we had a long and intricate lecture (kind of...if you could really call it that) on, well, anything and everything. It just kind of went wherever it wanted to. Tangents are desirable in this class. Well, we have a new assignment that will last the length of the semester and it's pretty much just mapping out what our brain is thinking. We're supposed to tie it all in with the class, so this is just going to be a practice. I'll start on the real meat and potatoes sometime next week after I figure out some style I prefer. So when I got home from classes I was eating lunch and I got my notebook and started writing. These are today's random thoughts during a late lunch:

"So I was slicing up a tomato for a salad thinking about this assignment and for the first time in my life it felt like nothing was jangling around in this brain of mine. Then I realized I had a song stuck in my head (not a rare occurance--actually, I can't imagine NOT having a song stuck in my head.) It's a Relient K song I'd listened to on my iPod (love that thing) on my walk home from campus. It's a song called Mood Rings and it's about how emotional girls should wear mood rings to warn guys. I realized that often I think of myself a OUTSIDE of most things--like, "yeah, emotional girls should wear mood rings--I wouldn't have to." But then I thought of the line about if the ring is clear then she's emotionless. What kind of horrible world would that be if no one had emotions? Movies and music and art wouldn't appeal to us--heck, probably none of those things would even exist! There would be none of that Honor's Program passion that Nickerson is so, well, passionate about. No love or mercy or compassion. We'd all be a bunch of Heinrich Himmlers running around not caring about others so we'd steal or murder--or perhaps we'd just do absolutely nothing like the fat people on Wall-E (cute movie, by the way).

Thinking of Relient K I have another one of their songs stuck in my head now--Who I Am Hates Who I've Been. For me that statement of a title is true and false, now that I think about it. Sometimes I really do want to go out and bury myself in a gravel pit for some of the dumb things I've done. But just now I realized that I wouldn't be who I am if I never was who I've been. And for perhaps the first time in my life I like me. I mean, of course I want to improve on just about everything about me, but I'm realizing that I'm not that bad. I'm not trying to sound cocky, because really I'm not, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm more comfortable with myself than I've ever been before.

Oh my, this tomato tastes kind of nasty. Probably because it was kinda shrivelly--which is why I ate it, before it went completely bad. You know, I'm amazed that more college students don't die of food poisoning. Seriously, because I also think this milk I'm drinking is sour. But then, Kelly thinks I have some sort of complex about sour milk. I probably do--Kelly's always right somehow. I love Kelly. How did I get so lucky? Ironically enough, it was Kelly who introduced me to Relient K all those years ago. Oh, the weird connections in life and the crazy disjointed randomness of my brain. But really, now I am quite sure this milk really is sour."